


Fake Bravado

by szamsson



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: AU, Angst, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27101125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/szamsson/pseuds/szamsson
Summary: Robbe thinks he's coming across as confident but Sander can see right through it. For some reason, he's intrigued by this adorable little bambi eyed boy.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 31
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I've not done a multi-fic like this, so let me know if you like it and if you have any ideas you want me to incorporate ! :)

Robbe was walking towards the front gates of the school, headphones in and head down, scrolling through his phone aimlessly. He knew the boys were already at school because he’s seen an Instagram story of Aaron tripping over a bench in the yard, whilst the other cracked up laughing at the other boy. His friends were idiots, they well and truly were. But they were his idiots, and he was lucky to have them. As the smell of cigarette smoke reached his nostrils he looked up from his phone and realised he was inches away from Sander and his group of ‘friends.’ Robbe peered curiously at the other boy, not having been spotted yet as he pocketed his phone.

The boy stood with his back against the wall just out the front of school, looking completely unamused at whatever his friends were saying. His hair was white and roughed up, giving his a sexy ‘just got out of bed look,’ and Robbe licked his lips as his eyes trailed down the leather clad body. Sander had been at their school for about 6 months now and had attracted a group of friends with the same amount of mysterious ‘cool’ that seemed to have the whole school drooling over them. They were all objectively handsome but there was something about the boy in question that just got Robbe’s blood pumping. Not that he would ever admit that. He knew Sander reputation and as much as he didn’t like to listen to rumours or judge people based on other people’s talk around school, he’d seen a lot of it with his own eyes. Sander wasn’t mean. He wasn’t a bully. He did have quite a dry sense of humour and an absolute arrogance about him, but he never intentional hurt anyone’s feelings. Which just made everyone swoon over him more. And he was a shameless slut. It wasn’t a bad thing, not even Robbe thought it was a bad thing. Sander knew what he was and didn’t shy away from it.

As he passed the group of boys his eyes met Sanders and the older boy winked at him. It wasn’t the first time they’d come in contact, and Sander always made little gestures like that at him, which unfortunately made Robbe’s face turn beet red. But he did this with everyone. Robbe was going to change that, he thought determinately. He could be cool, he could be what Sander wanted, he just knew it.

After his second-class Sander decided to ditch, sitting down in front of a tree not too far from school and taking out a sketch pad. It was a Friday so whilst he doodled he started thinking about where he wanted to go tonight. He pulled out his phone and shot a quick text into the group message along the lines of ‘I want to get laid and I need you ugos there tonight to make me look even hotter ;)’ smirking as he put his phone in front of him and waited for his friends to reply. He liked the new group of guys he had met since moving to the school. They were chill, always down for a good time and didn’t judge Sander or say anything dumb that made him want to hit them. Well not often anyway. Just as he turned back to the sketch pad, he felt a shadow loom over him. He raised his head to see a nervous pair of great big bambi eyes staring down at him. The book seemed to put on a brave face once he saw Sander look up at him which made Sander chuckle. He was cute. Ryan? Robert? Robbie? Sander knew he was close, but he couldn’t place it. He’d seem the little first year around school and always noticed him looked at him. He was adorable in that innocent, wide eyed sort of way.

“Hmmm shouldn’t you be in class little…?” Sander let the sentence hang.

“Robbe.” The boy said quickly. Ah so close, Sander thought to himself. “Well I skipped!” Robbe said almost excitedly, rocking back and forth on his heels with a grin.

“And you’ve decided to stalk me instead?” Sander said, but there was no malice in his voice, simply amusement. He wasn’t sure what the boys plan was seeing as it had been six months, and this was the first time Robbe had approached him.

To his surprise, Robbe took a deep breath and sat down next to him. Next to him was probably generous, the boy practically sat in his lap. Sander dropped the sketch book startled as Robbe turned his head, so close to Sander he could feel the breath of the smaller boy as he stared at Sander’s lips. He didn’t back away though, even more amused and intrigued now as to what the boy’s plans were. He never was one to shy away from a hook up, and given the signals he was receiving, this was definitely what Robbe wanted. However, it was the middle of the day and right next to school. He also didn’t know Robbe at all, apart from what he saw of him around in the school yard.

“What are you doing?” Sander whispered through a smirk, still not leaning away from Robbe. The smaller boy’s eyes were still trained on his lips but suddenly his eyes flickered up, a vulnerability quickly masking into a fake bravado.

Suddenly Robbe leaned forward and tried to mash his lips against Sanders. Surprised once again the older boy put his hands gently on Robbe’s forearms and held him back, looking almost puzzled.

Robbe’s eyes were now glazed over and he met Sander’s gaze dead on. “What? Don’t you want to kiss me?” Robbe lunged again, trying to reach Sanders lips.

Sander just laughed as he pulled back again. There was something about this boy, the cute way he tried to mask his insecurity with what he must of thought was a cocky grin, just to have his face fall back into an adorable pout every time Sander pushed him back. He was so damn adorable and Sander just wanted…him. Which was new.

“Tell you what,” Sander began getting up and brushing off his jeans, “If you’re still this needy tonight when we aren’t in broad daylight and right next to school” Sander said pointedly and that seemed to knock some sense back into Robbe as his face snapped to look at the kids exiting the school gates. “Then I’ll message you my address and you can come kiss me then,” Sander said with a wink.

Robbe’s face lit up at this and a smile spread over his cheeks. Suddenly his expression became nervous again and he bit his lip. “Thanks.. um, could you not tell anyone about this?” Robbe asked, hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck.

Oh okay, Sander knew this game and he was happy to play it. He bent down leaving a lingering kiss on Robbe’s cheek and when he pulled back, he said “Of course, cutie. Just our secret.” With that he walked away with a smile playing on his lips.

***

When Sander entered his apartment, he first checked if anyone was home. He knew that his parents had plans to be out all night, as per usual, but he just wanted to double check. He immediately sprang into action, ordering a slab of bear to be delivered in the next hours, shoving all dirty laundry into his cupboard and clearing all the space on the coffee table. He had no idea why he was nervous. He wanted to get laid but given the innocence of the other boy he didn’t know exactly how this was going to work out. He thought, worst case scenario, Robbe would freak and he’d just meet his friends wherever they were tonight. At least he’d be able to scope out the precocious little junior and see what his deal was.

Sander could read him like a book. The fake confidence and the niggling, underlying nervousness and insecurity, with a touch of what might be internalised homophobia? He wasn’t quite sure yet. What he didn’t understand was what had suddenly made Robbe become so bold. He’d been semi flirting with Robbe from afar for the better half of the year (amongst others but he wouldn’t mention that). So, what happened to spur Robbe on now. He pulled out his phone as he felt it vibrate against his thigh, smirking as he saw the influx of messages from an unknown number.

Robbe: Hey

Robbe: Sorry, it’s Robbe.

Robbe: You know the guy from outside school today.

Robbe: It’s fine if you don’t remember me, I mean why would you.

Robbe: Or if you think I’m pathetic, because I basically threw myself at you.

Sander chuckled at the uncertainty in the messages. He was so damn cute, and Sander could tell that this was the real Robbe, the false bravado he had earlier today completely stripped back through text messaging.

Sander: Of course, I remember you, and no pathetic is not the verb I’d use to describe you. Adorable? Hot? Sexxyyyyy… All of the above maybe.

Sander laughed out loud again as he watched the typing bubbles appear then disappear, then appear and disappear on a loop for the next 10 minutes. Sander knew that was going to throw the younger boy, he sensed he wasn’t the type to take compliments well. Sander waited; the ball was in the younger boys court now. Eventually, his phone vibrated again.

Robbe: So you said I could maybe come over?

Yes. This is what Sander wanted. He wasn’t going to pressure the boy that wasn’t his style. And he still wasn’t even really sure of the younger boys’ intentions, so he wanted Robbe to feel like he was taking the reins. He knew his reputation and he knew Robbe knew it too, so there was really only one reason Robbe would be coming over. Sander was used to it, he wasn’t known for his witty repartee, he was known as the bad boy who fucked around in every sense of the word. Sander set off a quick text with his address and told Robbe to come over at any time.

***

Robbe was nervous as he took the elevator up to Sanders apartment. He lived in a nice part of town, in a nice building and Robbe wasn’t nervous about leaving his bike tucked up in a corner out the front. He’d forgotten his bike lock on his hectic race to shower and try on three different hoodies before putting the one that he wore most days back on and leaving the house. He didn’t know how he thought tonight was going to go, he honestly didn’t have any expectation. Of course, he originally wanted…well **that.** But the more he thought about it the more his palms were sweating, and he was starting to feel apprehensive.

He thought Sander would be the best person to be his first time. He was clearly well experienced; he didn’t know any of Robbe’s friends and he was hot as hell. But the more he thought about Sander the more he was intrigued by the boy. He only knew what everyone talked about and Robbe knew there had to be more to his story than that. He was intrigued and had an overwhelming urge to get to _know_ the older boy.

He held his breathe as he knocked at the door, quickly running a hand through his hair, as if he could do anything to fix it now. Sander opened the door and immediately smiled, pulling the younger boy in by the hand. He looked so good. He was wearing sweatpants that clung to his slim hips nicely and a tight black t shirt. His white hair was dishevelled like he had been running his hands through it, and his tan looked even deeper under the dim lighting of the apartment.

Robbe looked about him taking in the apartment. It wasn’t huge, probably the same size as the flat share, but it was neat and homely. There was a soft looking leather couch with heaps of throw blankets and pillows heaped on it in the living room, where Sander led him, pushing Robbe down as he collapsed, sinking into the warm couch grinning.

“Hey cutie,” Sander said, leaning down from his position towering over Robbe to give him a kiss on the cheek. The kiss was really close to the corner of his mouth and Robbe just about melted into contact. “Beer?” Sander asked, already practically skipping away towards the kitchen.

“Um sure,” Robbe said, still slightly dazed at the contact. Whilst Sander was gone, he shook his head and gave himself a mental pep talk. Get it together Robbe, jeez. Sander returned handing him a beer, putting two extras on the coffee table and sitting alarmingly close to Robbe on the couch. He could feel the body heat up against his side and he had to do everything in his power not to melt into the touch.

“So, how are you?” Sander said a little teasingly, eyes sparkling as he took a sip from his beer, clearly noticing the way Robbe’s eyes followed the bottles journey.

Robbe coughed as he hastily took a sip of his beer that went down the wrong pipe. “Im—good,” he sputtered, then seemed to gain control of himself. “Thanks for having me over” Robbe said trying to do his best impression of a flirty voice as he took a tentative shuffle towards Sander on the couch.

Sander just laughed at him, chucking an arm around his shoulders playfully. “Right to business hey Robbe? You’re not even going to romance me first? Some wining and dining?”

***

Sander could tell by the boy’s body language he wasn’t sure and was once again putting on the false bravado. Sander didn’t want Robbe to think he only invited him over here to have a quick fuck and then see ya thanks, make sure to give me 5 stars on booking.com on your way out. The younger boy intrigued him, and he wasn’t sure why. His big bambi eyes held such innocence but confidence at the same time, something so alluring to Sander. But apparently Robbe was only interested in one thing.

Putting his bottle down on the table, Robbe got really bold and threw a leg over his lap, straddling Sander on the couch as he wrapped his arms around his neck. Okay, Sander thought, this is all Robbe wanted. He couldn’t help swallowing down the disappointment. But he guessed this was what he was good for.

He stared up at Robbe waiting for the younger boy to make the first move. Robbe stared down at him, smiling slightly as he shifted on Sander’s lap and got more comfortable. Then in the most confusing move of confidence and hesitance mixed into one, Robbe leaned down and took Sanders mouth. His lips were sweet and soft, and Sander moaned into them as he gripped Robbe’s waist. The boy knew how to kiss, or maybe Sander was just developing a crush on the younger boy’s sweet mouth. He nipped at Robbe’s bottom lip which made Robbe gasp into his mouth.

They made out for what felt like forever but couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes, when Sander started moving things along. He kissed down Robbe’s jaw and into his neck, sucking and softly biting marks into the pale skin. Robbe was moaning and gasping, so responsive at just making out that Sander wasn’t sure he would make it to the main event. His hand wrapped around Robbe’s ribs, bringing it down over his stomach and inching lower until he felt Robbe’s entire body stiffen. Sander looked back up at him, trying to understand the look in his eyes.

Panic. All Sander saw was panic and it looked like Robbe was fighting his own brain inside his head. Sander wouldn’t push, it was obvious the boy wasn’t ready for that and if he was honest, he’s be happy to just make out for the rest of the night, maybe order some food, talk a little. He wasn’t going to push anything physical, he wasn’t that type of guy. All of a sudden Robbe’s hand fell down to grip Sander through his sweatpants and he nearly jumped off the couch at the contact. He moaned and kissed towards Robbe’s ear again when he came back to himself and realised Robbe was as stiff as a board in his arms. He sat back and Robbe had his eyes screwed shut as if he was in pain.

Sander grabbed Robbe’s hand off his pants and brought it to his lips.

“Robbe…” Sander asked tentatively. Robbe was having some sort of battle with his emotions and suddenly his eyes went wide and he stuttered an apology.

“I’m—I’m sorry, sorry no I can do it now, I’m just” Robbe let out a frustrated groan and pulled Sander back to his body, pulling his t shirt over his head, “I’m just being a baby, I’m sorry, you can do it now.”

Okay nope. Sander was putting a stop to this right now. He carefully pushed Robbe off his lap, finding his discarded t shirt on the floor and carefully pulling it back over Robbe’s head. Robbe looked miserable and stared at him in shock and embarrassment that was completely unwarranted.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he said almost desperately now, “I’m not being a tease you can do it I swear, just do it.” And the fact that Robbe couldn’t even say the word sex, or fucking or literally anything was enough of a sign that Sander had made the right choice to stop. Robbe put his head in his hands and Sander could tell he was about 6 seconds from bolting.

He pulled Robbe’s face up so that they were inches apart and said, in a completely casual tone, “It’s fine baby,” kissing his lightly on the lips. “How about we order some pizza and you can actually tell me some stuff about you huh?” Sander said, reaching for his phone and winking at Robbe, who still looked so sad.

“I’m ruining your night,” Robbe mumbled.

“Hey!” Sander said, giving him a light tap on the chin, “I didn’t invite you here for that.”

Robbe gave him an unbelieving look.

“Okay maybe I did a little, but you intrigue me.” He said simply, “Now tell me your favourite pizza topping before I order something ghastly with pineapple.”

Robbe visibly relaxed at that and mocked outrage, “Hey I like pineapple on pizza!”

Sander jokingly sighed and shook his head, “So much to teach you my little angel.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbe being uncertain around school

On Monday morning Robbe was buzzing with nervous anticipation. His night with Sander was so sweet he couldn’t believe that the older boy actually spent time with him, getting to know him and not asking him for anything. After Robbe’s embarrassing freak out, they ordered some pizza, and spent most of the night fighting over which movie to play, Sander wanting something pretentious and artsy whilst Robbe wanted something with a lot of explosions. He left the apartment at some time during the morning, with a soft and chaste kiss to his lips and a grin that was burned into his mind. Robbe was smiling the whole way home. 

Entering the school yard, he still couldn’t stop his face from portraying his happiness. He smiled shyly and looked down as he approached his friends. 

“Okay what did you do this weekend?” Jens was the first to notice, raising an eye brow and looking knowingly at Robbe. 

“Nothing.” Robbe said quickly, “I told you, I was going to see my mum.” Jens looked suspicious but continued on. 

“You missed out on a great party. Sander didn’t end up going to Senne’s, so there were heaps of girls, needy and desperate.” Jens fist bumped Moyo as Robbe internally gagged in disgust. The way his friends talked about girls sometimes, made him want to smack them all in the back of the head. 

“Yeah well, I hope you got lucky on my behalf,” he joked, trying to play along and stop the blush rising in his cheeks from his night with Sander. And quietly, in the back of his mind, thinking about how HE was the one Sander wanted to spend the night with, not all the girls at the party. 

The bell rang and they all trudged towards their respective classes. Robbe had yet to see Sander but was hoping and praying that he would see the older boy at some point during the day, unsure of how he would act around Robbe. 

Suddenly nerves froze his spine. Would Sander act like they didn’t know each other? Because he didn’t put out. God, he knew he was going to ruin it. Would Sander ignore him if he tried to talk to him? Worse would he be with another girl or guy hanging off his shoulder? That last one was most likely as it had happened frequently for the past few months. Robbe didn’t know if he could keep it together if that was the case. He knows he’s being dramatic, but he really really liked the bleach blonde boy. More than he’d liked anyone. And for some stupid reason, he had arrived at school thinking he’d had a shot. Pathetic. With that feeling swirling in his gut, he entered his first class. 

Robbe exited his class head down, he could barely pay attention, so many different things running through his brain. Not just Sander. His mum, his friends, his upcoming exams, it was too much. He swung his headphones onto his head and continued his slow walk down besides the lockers, keeping his eyes on his feet. 

All or a sudden he was grasped by the elbow and pulled into a classroom, barely having enough time to catch his feet before he toppled over. When he looked up, a smiling Sander was staring back at him. He looked so beautiful, all in black with his hair in that ‘just rolled out of bed’ look, that Robbe couldn’t help but stare at him. 

Sander crowded him against the door and kissed him deeply. Robbe’s brain was still trying to catch up with what was happening but his body responded all on its own, grasping around his neck and moaning into his mouth. Sander hitched him up by the back of his thighs and carried him over to a nearby desk. This made Robbe break away reluctantly.

“Hi,” he said shyly, from his position, lying on the desk, legs gripping Sanders waist like a lifeline. 

“Hi” Sander said with a smirk, kissing him once again them leaning back, Robbe still in between his legs. 

“I missed you,” Sander said, and although Robbe’s logical mind said that this was probably just one of Sanders lines that made people fall to their knees for him, he couldn’t help his heart swelling just a bit. 

Robbe scoffed and tried to play it off, legs still firmly around his waist, “Doubt it, you barely know me,” Robbe said with an eye roll. 

Sanders eyes sparkled as kissed down Robbe’s jaw, keeping eye contact the entire time. 

“Well we need to remedy that don’t we?” Sander whispered against his ear lobe before kissing the underside and making Robbe shiver. 

His lips searched out for Sanders and they started moving together. Robbe was so new to this, kissing someone he actually liked, but it seemed to come over him, and he heard Sander groan as their tongues met. Robbe was so out of his mind with desire he didn’t notice Sander suddenly pull away, step away and up a textbook between them. It was only when Robbe registered one of the 12th grade teacher asking what they were doing that Robbe caught up with his dick. 

“What are you boys doing? Sander?”

Sander looked up innocently from his book. “Robbe wanted some tutoring, am I not allowed to help the younger classes?” he was so genuine, Robbe nearly fell for it. 

“Take it outside, or the library, and Robb was it? don’t sit on the tables.” Robbe blushed and got down from the table, following Sander and the teacher outside the classroom. When they got outside Sander immediately let go of his hand. He faced him, so close Robbe tried to lunge into his lips. But Sander pulled back with a smile. 

“See ya next time Angel.” Sander gave him a final grin and walked away.

Robbe was confused. Turned on and confused. So, Sander wanted him? Right? Should he text him? Or was that too desperate? Robbe wasn’t sure. He needed someone to talk to. Jens had finished earlier he was at home.

Robbe squared his shoulders, and walked with purpose on his way to Jens apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i've not got a lot of love for this fic so if you want me to continue pls lt know, i have a story in my head


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbe felt so many emotions at once. Firstly, he wanted to scream at Sander, then he wanted to be snarky and ask him if Britt was there, then he wanted to cry and ask Sander why he was doing this to him. His response however, seemed to type back without his permission.

Robbe approached Jens’ apartment, and lingered outside for a little while. He wanted to tell his best friend about his weekend, about Sander, about that kiss in the classroom, but he wasn’t sure how Jens would react. His rational brain new that Jens wouldn’t care. He’d be a little surprised, but he wasn’t the type of guy to be totally dismissive, he knew that much. But there was a tiny voice in the back of his head that told him Jens would laugh in his face, tell him that he was just a number to Sander and to stop trying to make it something more. 

He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and knocked on Jens’ door. His younger sister Mila answered with a slight scowl on her face. It appeared she was waiting for something else. She crossed her arms across her tiny chest and with accusing eyes demanded.

“I thought you were the Pizza, why are you here.” Robbe couldn’t help but smile at her bossy tone and adorable pout. She was small for her 7 years, but Robbe assumed she would do the same as Jens, and become a giant after puberty, most likely towering over himself. 

“I need to speak to your brother.” He ruffled her hair which made her bat his hand away in annoyance, “Is he in his room?”

She nodded slightly and stalked away, leaving the door wide open. Robbe carefully hung up his jacket and beanie, then continued down the hallway towards Jens’ room. He knocked on the door but didn’t wait to open it. Jens looked up in surprise, a game controller in his hand and headphones on his ears. He automatically pressed pause on the game and turned in his computer chair to face Robbe. 

“Hey man, you okay?” He actually looked concerned which made Robbe smile. As daft and insensitive as his friend sometimes was, he had a good heart, and Robbe knew he would always be there for him. 

“It’s all good,” Robbe said, throwing himself down on to Jens bed with a sigh. “Just wanted to hang out.” He meant it as a statement, but it came out as more of a question.

Jens raised an eyebrow at him. “Okaayyyy…” He swivelled around further so he could face Robbe, who was currently staring at the ceiling. “What’s up? You seem like somethings on your mind.” 

Robbe thought hard about how to approach this. He decided that the distract and pounce method would work best. He turned so he had his head raised on one elbow. “Just something I wanted to run by you, first though do you have those notes from French today? I’m way behind on my assignment.” 

Jens looked at him funny before he grabbed out his phone and started looking into his inbox. “Yeah I’m pretty sure I sent them to myself, but my laptop died and Mila has stolen my charger so they’re probably here--- OH FUCK NO!” Jens cut himself off with a loud groan, falling onto the bed beside Robbe with a hand over his face. 

“What?!” Robbe said alarmed. He couldn’t see Jens’ facial expressions under his arm, but his whole body language seemed defeated.   
“You know how I said there were loads of girls at that party last weekend?” Jens said, arm still flopped over his eyes, phone grasped in his palm. 

“Yeah..” Robbe said experimentally, cautious about Jens was about to say. 

“Well you know Britt? I though me and her really hit it off. We were talking like most of the night and she was definitely flirting man.” Jens said with a sigh. 

“Okay, so what happened just now?” Robbe asked, confused at the direction the conversation was currently going. 

Jens said nothing, he just shoved his phone onto Robbe’s chest. The blow was uncalculated and bit too hard, so Robbe flung a fist back at Jens chest in protest, causing them both to chuckle. 

Robbe picked up the phone and tried to focus his eyes on the picture in front of him. It was a picture of Britt, wrapped around Sander. She was kissing him on the cheek while obviously sitting in his lap. He had a cheeky smirk on his face and was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing today. The sky showed that it was late afternoon and the picture was dated from 20 minutes ago. The caption read “My Boo *kissing face* and Robbe wanted to be sick. How could he be so fucking stupid. 

“He wasn’t even at the damn party and he still gets the girl.” Jens whined as he turned over to face Robbe, “how is that fair?” Jens face soon changed from annoyance to concern as he took in Robbe’s frozen face staring at the picture in front of him. 

“You okay bro?” Jens said, carefully extricating the phone from Robbe’s hands.

Robbe simply flopped his arms down by his side. He’s met the guy like a handful of times he had no idea why he was having this reaction. He knew that Sander was a playboy and he knew that he meant nothing to him. So why did his heart feel like it was squeezing in his chest. It just seemed so different when they were together, so pure. It was as if Sander had stripped off his bad boy composure and acted like he actually wanted to be with Robbe. Robbe knew what he was getting into so why did this hurt so much?

“Yeah sorry,” Robbe quickly sat up. “I don’t really feel well I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

He didn’t even wait from Jens reaction before he was bolting out the door. He felt stupid and childish and he just wanted to climb into his bed and forget about the rest of the world. 

About 5 minutes from home his phone buzzed in his pocket. He assumed it would be Jens, asking him what was up with his behaviour, but his hands were partially frozen, and it took blowing in them a couple of times to regain movement. He pulled the phone out as he entered the building and found a message from Sander. 

Sander: Hey cutie, wanna come over tonight?

Robbe felt so many emotions at once. Firstly, he wanted to scream at Sander, then he wanted to be snarky and ask him if Britt was there, then he wanted to cry and ask Sander why he was doing this to him. His response however, seemed to type back without his permission. 

Robbe: I’ll be there in 15.


	4. Chapter 4

Robbe knocked on the door, barely hesitating, jaw set and eyes squinting from the harsh weather outside. He only had to wait a couple of seconds before Sander was swinging the door open and picking him up in an enthusiastic embrace, smashing their lips together and pulling him into the apartment. Robbe couldn’t help but giggle against his lips as his feet were lifted from the floor, all previous angst and determination dissolving in the back of his mind. He finally sighed as they broke apart and stared up at Sander whose eyes were gleaming, red faced and smiley, almost like…

“Are you drunk?” Robbe asked, taken aback. It was only a Monday, and Sander seemed like he’d been drinking all afternoon judging by the taste Robbe now registered on his own lips. Suddenly, the anger and hurt was back. So, this is why Sander had asked him over. Not because he actually wanted to see Robbe, but because he was plastered. 

Sander scoffed before grabbing his hand and pulling him along with him. “I had a few drinks with some friends, is that okay mum?” he said loudly and sarcastically, his grip on Robbe’s hand never easing. 

Robbe let Sander drag him but instead of pushing him down onto the couch like Robbe expected, Sander took a detour and led Robbe down a dark hallway towards what he could only describe as Sanders bedroom. It was clean but not tidy exactly. The walls looked like what Robbe would describe as artful chaos, with pictures both hand-drawn and printed lining every inch of the white walls. There was a large window on one side of the room, with had a fairly decent window frame. Sitting on the window frame was a notebook, a couple of pencils and what looked like pencil shavings, as well as a half-drunk bottle of wine. The bed was huge and unmade, and soft, Robbe noted as Sander pushed him down on top of it. 

All he could register was the satin pillow under his head and the warm sheets under his back before Sander was climbing on top of him and kissing down his neck. 

“What? Sander!--” But Robbe was cut off by the feeling of lips meeting his. He wondered now why he hadn’t tasted the alcohol the first time they had kissed, because now it enveloped all of his senses making him woozy. 

He tried to relax into the kiss. It felt nice, sure. But it didn’t feel like Sander. He was usually so finessed, giving and taking, teasing and sucking until Robbe felt like his head was in the clouds. This Sander, was sloppy, shoving his tongue in with open mouthed kisses that just didn’t feel right. 

Sander’s hand travelled down Robbe’s body, pulling the t shirt up at the hem and wiping it over Robbe’s head. It caught on his hair and pulled causing Robbe to let out a little “ouch,” as Sander hurriedly tried to pull his own shirt off. If he wasn’t clearly blind drunk, Sander would have giggled at the cute way Sander got stuck with just his head out the bottom of his t shirt, frowning and struggling as his arms got caught in the sleeves in his haste. 

Once he was freed, Sander started to once again kiss against Robbe’s neck while Robbe just lay there, staring at the ceiling wondering what was going on. 

Sander grabbed Robbe’s hand which at first Robbe thought was sweet, until Sander pulled it down to his crotch and tried to push Robbe’s hand under his jeans and boxer briefs. It was at this point Robbe started to panic. Sober Sander would never pressure him like this. Of course, he wanted to go all the way one day with Sander, one day soon if Robbe had anything to say about it. But not when the other boy was so inebriated that he would barely remember it the next day. And probably wouldn’t put much care into it. 

“Sander stop stop stop,” Robbe said breathlessly, pulling his hand out of Sander grip and slightly shoving Sander away from his neck. The boy looked down at him with glassy eyes and a confused little frown on his face. 

“But you want me?” Sander said as if he couldn’t wrap his head around it. “You were the one who came after me.” Sander smiled down at him, and a hint of the real Sander came out in his eyes. 

“C’mon Robbe, you’re so hotbabyplease,” he ended mumbling as he dived back in to kiss down Robbe’s chest. “I’ll make it so good,” and that was slurred even worse.

“STOP!” Robbe said shoving a little harder, starting to panic for real now. Sander instantly stopped what he was doing and flopped down on his back next to Robbe with a sigh. The two boys were lying next to each other on the bed now, both staring at the ceiling, Robbe breathing heavily and trying to wrap his head around this. 

“Sander I thought that we could just hang out,” Robbe started as he rolled onto his side, facing the older boy, a weak smile on his face, “You know like last time.”

But as Robbe reached out to brush the hair out of Sander’s eyes the older boy huffed out a dark laugh and rolled his eyes. 

“Jesus first Britt turns me down for sex now you?! Tonight, is not my night.” He shuffled up until he was leaning against the head rest and took out a cigarette. It was if the words didn’t register at first. It was as if Robbe’s brain had shut off his receptive signals as if to save him from his own feelings. And all he could think for a good 5 minutes was that the smell of cigarette smoke was going to stick to Sander’s sheets and that he would have to give them a wash tomorrow. 

Eventually the words started to compute in his head. ‘First Britt turn me down for sex. First Britt turns me down for sex. First Britt turns me down for sex.’ And all of a sudden Robbe was mad as hell. He sat up quickly, searching out his t shirt on the floor and he knew he was turning red. Once he was fully dressed he turned on his heels to face Sander, balling his fists at his sides and practically spitting the words at him. 

“So you invited me over because Britt turned you down?” he half shouted, wishing the angry tears to not spill from his eyes. His chest hurt and he felt stupid, so stupid for coming here. 

Sander looked over at him with wide eyes. “Well, I mean—I, yes? I mean you practically climbed into my lap the first day we talked” Sander stuttered out. Robbe blanched at the blatant admittance. 

“You thought, ‘oh hey I got turned down by one girl let’s call desperate little Robbe who practically threw himself at me so that at least I can get my dick wet.’” He spat out with so much despair and anger. He should’ve known. He sat down on the edge of the bed, shoving on his shoes with such violence, willing himself not to turn around or to burst into tears. He was emotionally drained. 

“Robbe…” Sander sighed, sounding more exasperated than regretful which made Robbe even more angry. 

“No! It’s fine. It’s my fault, right? I was the one crawling into your lap. Fuck you Sander, I’m not a fucking second choice.” With that, Robbe turned on his heels and bolted out the front door. He could hear the fading sounds of Sander shouting his name, sounding a little more sobered up now. Good. Robbe hoped he would remember that last part of this conversation.


	5. Ashamed

Robbe stormed home, slamming doors on the way as if there was no one else sleeping. Once he got to his bedroom he was absolutely seething. He slammed the door with such force that he thought it might break off it’s hinges. After that he ripped his t-shirt over his head and his pants down his legs. They felt dirty, tainted, a reminder that tonight was real. So, he rolled them up into a ball and shoved them into the very back of his closet. His inner drama queen wanted to take them outside to the trash shoot. But he wasn’t quite gone enough for that. Once he was done shedding his clothes, he dived face first into his bed, covering his face with the two navy pillows lying there, just as flat and dejected as he was. 

Without permission his eyes started to water, then he was crying, then he was sobbing and screaming into his pillow whilst punching the sides of his bed. He was being stupid, he knew that. But he had so much pent up hurt and anger he needed it released. Sander didn’t give a shit and why should he? They barely knew each other and Robbe knew what he was like and this wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this. 

Eventually Robbe woke up the next morning, tears stuck to his face like glue, feeling groggy and defeated. Luckily, he had managed to set his alarm amongst the angst he as feeling last night, and eventually rolled out of bed, got ready and made his way to school. 

“He—woah you look rough.” Jens greeted him as he breached the front gates of the school. 

“Thanks,” Robbe replied dryly, knowing his eyes were so bloodshot there was no way he would have a chance of escaping his friends pestering. 

“Are you okay bro?” Jens slung an arm around his shoulders, looking more serious than Robbe had seen him in some time. 

“I’m fine,” Robbe mumbled, barely looking up, “I just didn’t sleep well.”

“Well we can see that,” Aaron added, clearly oblivious to the current tension in the air. Robbe didn’t have the energy to say anything more so they all walked silently to their first class. 

The day was so long and so hard. It felt like 6 hours was dragged into 2 weeks and Robbe thought at one point he might have to excuse himself to pass out in the bathroom for a bit. Once his last class was finished, he hauled his bag back onto his shoulder and left the room, pulling his headphones over his ears until suddenly they were pulled off abruptly. 

Robbe turned around the come face to face with Sander. Looking even worse than he did, deep purple bags under his eyes, hair greasy and all over the place. Sander’s eyes were dull and held no emotion as he stared back at Robbe. This made Robbe roll his eyes, all sympathy for the boy leaving as he shrugged him off and made a beeline for the front gate. 

“Robbe, Robbe, ROBBE!” He heard behind him, forcing himself to keep his gaze forward. It wasn’t until a platinum blonde head of hair appeared, blocking his line of vision, and his route to the exit gates of the school. 

“I’m sorry,” Sander said, trying to get Robbe to look him in the eyes, “I’m fucking sorry.” He sounded frustrated now. Not with Robbe, but with himself. 

Robbe slowly looked up, and as soon as their eyes met, Sander dragged Robbe by the elbow into one of the art classrooms to their right, that was barely used. After dragging him into the room, Sander closed the one blind that showed access to the students streaming past outside and turned on Robbe. 

“I was a dick last night and I’m sorry, you deserve better and I really really like you and I think that maybe—” Sander was cut of by Robbe’s harsh voice, which spat out like venom across the classroom. 

“You think that what? I’m an easy tagert? Well fucking yeah Sander, you know I like you!” Robbe was so mad he couldn’t help balling his fists.

“And how stupid of me,” Robbe continued, he couldn’t control the words coming out of his mouth, he didn’t even believe them. “You’re a fucking slut Sander, everyone told me you were bad news, you couldn’t even stick to one school, Jesus Christ get you shit together Sander!” He was yelling by the end, didn’t even notice that he had crossed a line or that his volume had reached hella high levels. 

Sander’s face conveyed about 10 emotions in half a minute. Robbe stared as the Blonde’s face went from offended, to heartbroken, to ashamed to sad to angry. 

“Well at least I know what I want Robbe.” Sander said calmly, fire in his eyes. “At least I’m not hiding in front of my friends. At least I’m not climbing into someone’s lap and then judging them by their fucking reputation.” Sander had angry tears dripping down his face by the end of his speech. 

“Bye Robbe.” Sander said finally, wiping his cheeks violently whilst walking away from the younger boy. 

Robbe felt hollow and just plain empty.


End file.
